Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Repost- Redheads

Repost from my old blog.




The audience asks, I deliver. Not just a few words of what you want to hear but from the heart. Not fiction but truth. The unvarnished, but well polished, truth. I polished and polished...

I don't know what it is. Redheads. Is it summer and time for women to chose whatever hair color they wish? I don't know.

With the family out of town for a few weeks the cupboards were getting bare. On the way home from work last night I stopped for some "man groceries". Let's see- here's the receipt: Sauza Tequila Reposado, Chocolate pretzels, Fresca Picante Salsa, Spiced Salami, Tortilla Chips, Avocados, Patron Citronage Liqueur, Frozen Mangos, Cheese, Frozen Garlic Fries, Carne Asada...

As I was entering the store a good looking woman with long wavy auburn hair was walking out. As I shopped a 20-something, semi-goth woman with black and velvet red hair kept passing me in the aisles, which are very narrow in this store. To cap it, as I approached the checkstands the resident hot college student/cashier was working. She is really cute with blazing red hair cut short and usually spiked up. She is always nice whether I'm alone or with the kids (who she always gives stickers).

So I had redheads on the brain. A bunch of my blog friends are redheads too. Then in response to my request for a little help learning to dance country/western style I got a message from a twenty-five year old occasional dance instructer offering to show me some moves.

Honestly I felt a bit lecherous in taking her up on the offer, but I got over that. We traded a few emails and she seemed very nice. I sent her a photo so she could pick me out of the crowd. She told me she had long red hair and a great smile. Her name was Jessie and she would meet me at about 9:00. Her ride home wouldn't arrive until 12:00 so that would give more than enough time.*

I headed over to The Outwest Outpost to meet her, arriving 1/2 hour before the appointed time. I arrived and walked in, wearing my boot-cut dark denim jeans, a light blue denim shirt, and my best black boots.

The place was fairly empty when I walked in, which relaxed me a bit. I was pretty apprehensive about making a fool of myself plus my own anxiety about what wasn't really, but sort of seemed like a blind date. Having never been on anything that wasn't really, but sort of seemed like a blind date, I needed a bit of courage to help me relax.

I walked up to the bar and saw people drinking beer on my left and beer on my right. Now mind you I've had beer but I really don't care for the taste or the way it makes me burp or the short time that it stays in my body. I'm normally a red wine kind of guy but I didn't think this was the place to be ordering wine. A gin martini, up, really hits the spot too but that didn't seem right either. I do enjoy one more thing and that's a good margarita but honestly I don't trust many people to make them the way I like- good Tequila, good citrus liqueur, and fresh limon aka key lime juice. No mixers.

So I said to the bartender, "One shot of Jose Cuervo" and he obliged. I didn't waste time and before I knew it that warm feeling was spreading down my throat.

It was gone mighty quickly though so I turned right back and said "A second shot of Jose Cuervo if you would" and he did. I held the glass for just a bit longer but not for long. I decided to let those work for a few minutes as I stepped away from the bar and over to the mostly empty pool tables. A coctail waitress walked up and asked if she could get me anything and I said how about a rack of balls so I can try to remember how to play pool.

She obliged and soon I was tucked in the corner busy making a mockery of the fine game of pool. I got very good at sinking the little white ball which would have been great if this was golf but had trouble with the stripey and colored balls which is more the point in this game. I seemed to lose track of time as I did battle.

Soon I heard a sweet voice with a southern twang over my shoulder suggesting that if I aimed for the destination and not the origination I might have better luck. I turned to see piercing green eyes, long red hair, long legs, but mostly cleavage that I had no business looking at. I had no words but she did and called me by name, saying my photo looked more geeky than the real thing. I could only blurt out that she must be Jessie and I doubted that a photo could ever do her justice.

I still had no words but luckily the cocktail waitress walked up to ask if she could bring us something. Jessie ordered iced tea and I said I'd have the same. As the waitress turned away I said "and a third shot of Jose Cuervo if you don't mind". The drinks came quickly as Jessie tried help me keep the white ball where it belonged while getting the other balls off the table. Luckily the band started up before I could finish making a fool of myself so we went to start the lesson. I almost forgot but then remembered and downed the shot in one gulp to hopefully let my legs relax a bit.

We worked a bit on how many times two left feet could step on two white boots but luckily she must have had steel toes because she didn't complain. There was something about fast fast slow slow and step step but I seemed to do slow slow fast fast and trip trip.

Mercifully the band took a short break and we went back to our sweet tea but as I passed the bar I said "A fourth shot of Jose Cuervo sir might be what I need".
My dancing seemed to pick up from there and I fancied myself getting pretty good. Those shots were small though so between songs I tried to keep count.

Eventually it got crowded and hot and Jessie asked if I wanted to join her outside for a smoke. I was surprised that she smoked but said sure I could use some cooler air. We stepped out and she said doesn't really smoke but it's a good excuse to take a break. She didn't have a match and I'm not that resourceful but I said there's a lighter in my car.

We found the car but I realized that although there are four lighter sockets none of them have lighter elements. Jessie said that's okay. We sat and talked and she asked more about why I wanted to learn to dance after fifteen years being married to a country girl. I admitted that I'm really a country boy but an Oklahoma city girl is more of a country girl than a California country boy is country. The talk went on to the things that are going on and how I want to try everything possible to woo my country girl.

The seven minute smoke break took an hour or more as my story poured out to her very sympathetic ear. As the parking lot emptied we realized that we'd better do something other than sit and somehow something turned into something else.
Somehow we started kissing and pressing our bodies against one another. We got warmer and warmer and touched more and more. Soon she unbuttoned my shirt and started stroking my skin. A car that's great for driving isn't always the best for doing other things and things started getting in the way. She asked me to walk around to her side and I did. She opened the door but didn't get out, instead sat on the seat with her legs outside. She pulled me close and I tried to lean in but hit my head on the door frame. She pushed me back a bit and grabbed my belt buckle. It came undone and she went for my zipper but found buttons instead. Not quite as smooth to open but as she released each one I felt a bit of release as well.

Soon I was holding the roof rack of the car to keep from collapsing as she stroked my cock with one hand. The nails of the other made traces on my chest.

What happened next was a bit of a blur. The memory seems real and imaginary at the same time. She held my cock in her hand, stroking the shaft as she moved her mouth closer and closer to it. The light of the streetlights gave me a good view, watching the contrast between her dark nail polish and pale fingers as they stroked me. She licked the underside of my circumcised head, teasing the vein and tip, then looked up at me with a toothy smile before engulfing the head in her lovely lips. I felt the tightness of fingers stroking while I enjoyed the sight of her mouth alternately plunging down on my cock, then licking the head again, and finally looking at me, over and over again.

I began to breathe heavier and moan, which seemed to inspire her as well. She slipped her other hand between her legs and began stroking. I couldn't see what she was doing but I could hear her reactions. Moaning and whimpering as she continued sucking. Her orgasm came before mine. Even then, she still treated me to the show of her mouth on my cock.

I couldn't believe that I was watching this totally hot 25 year old college girl sucking. Even though we had just met the long conversation made me feel very close to her.

The hand on my cock pumped harder, her moans having pushed me close to the edge. She kept stroking and sucking as she listened to my moans. Finally she pulled back and said "Come for me" and that triggered my orgasm, my cum spurting. She aimed me up so I wouldn't make a mess on her outfit, instead I felt my hot cum hitting my chest.

As quickly as It had begun, it was over. For good reason too, as a car pulled into the far side of the parking lot Jessie looked and said "My husband just drove up so I'd better go". As soon as he had walked toward the front door Jessie hopped out of the car, letting her skirt drop back into place as she gave me one more smile. She said to send her an email as she ran to the side entrance. Lucky timing and I didn't even think about the fact that she might be married.



That's pretty much how the fantasy went, the part before the * being all true, but then Jessie and I chatted again after I had an offer from the owner of a club that was having some lessons tonight so we decided to not meet.

That didn't stop me from enjoying the fantasy. Afterward I got up and showered. Then I put on some dark blue, snug fitting, boot cut button fly jeans, a faded denim shirt with metal buttons, and my black boots. I hopped in the car and drove to the saloon.

Entering the place I was a bit nervous. The dance lessons were starting at 7:00 and it was 6:55. I walked up to the bar and said to the bartender, "One shot of Jose Cuervo"

Saturday, January 19, 2008

Galveston, Chapter 1

WARNING-
Fictional story, all characters and events... sort of made up.
Possible Sexual Content Including Some Kinky Stuff
NC-18

Galveston, Chapter 1- Intro

"Attention Houston Terminal. All inbound flights have been cancelled until further notice."

Crap. My plane to Chicago wasn't due at the terminal for almost three hours, which pretty much meant I was stuck.

I knew I should have flown direct. Booking flights online I often laugh at the bizarre routings that sometimes come up. This was no exception. There are plenty of convenient direct flights covering the 2000 mile San Francisco to Chicago route. One option came up with a plane change and 3 hour layover in Houston. An extra 1000 miles. I considered it. Why not?

A quick IM - (Note, I may use the technology but I believe in using words, not code)

JJ:Wanna meet?

HS:I'm here.

JJ:No, I mean for real.

HS:Serious? Last I checked it was 2000 miles.

JJ: Serious. I'm going to Chicago.

HS:You told me. You may not realize it, but Chicago is a little ways from Houston.

JJ:Really? I thought you could drive up.

HS:Sure. I'll just drop the kid off with my MIL and tell her I'm headed out of town.

HS:She won't ask any questions.

JJ: Seriously- I'm on Expedia. I can do a 3 hour layover in Houston on my way.

HS:You mean it!

HS:When?

JJ: Monday. Arrive 4:08

JJ: Depart 7:02

JJ: PM

HS:It's easier online.

JJ: ??

HS: I might not meet your mental image.

JJ: Don't worry. You are Penelope Cruz' twin, right.

HS: FU

JJ: Sorry, only 3 hrs.

HS: Ah, can't keep going longer? Poor baby. I might break you.

JJ: Do tell. I might risk it.

JJ: But sorry, that's the best layover I could manage without missing my meeting.

HS: Really- I say a lot over IM.

HS: It's fun but not real.

JJ: I think you're real.

HS: yes but I get carried away.

HS:I try to be the real me

HS:but a more daring real me

HS:because it's safe.

JJ: I know. I want to meet you though.

JJ: 3 hours. Quick dinner.

HS: What about everything you said- about not doing what she did.

JJ: Dinner. D.I.N.N.E.R.

JJ: Not a euphemism. Food.

HS:So you'll tell her you're meeting an online

HS:trash talkin'

HS: hot blooded mama

HS: halfway across the country?

JJ: I didnt' say that.

JJ: I don't tell her who I have lunch with.

HS: Afraid?

JJ: I'll have DHS check you for weapons.

HS: Ha.

JJ: Tell me y/n. Hold on the tickets expires in 15 minutes.

HS: come to dinner.

JJ: OK. Fine dining at HOU airport's finest.

So there I was- instead of a quick dinner I may miss the meeting the next day. Initially I line up at the gate counter, then realize that nothing is going to get resolved there. The storm wasn't supposed to hit till tomorrow. If they've shut down the airport now then I know it's going to be a long wait and the airline has no idea yet.

I shouldered my carry-on and headed towards the security exit. At least I had something to look forward to.

We had exchanged photos. I just didn't know how recent or realistic hers was. At the bottom of the escalator I looked around at the sea of waiting family members. Nothing familiar. Cold feet maybe? Or maybe the traffic was affected by the incoming storm.

"JJ!" I turned around and saw her, standing almost behind the escalator. "HS! I thought you had stood me up."

"No way. I just wanted to make sure you hadn't sent me pictures from 10 years and 100 pounds ago."

"You on the other hand look much hotter than your pic's"

"I told you as much- Didn't you believe me?"

"I expect a bit of embellishment online."

We came to a stiff silence. I broke the ice with an embrace and a quick kiss. "I'm glad to finally meet you."

"Me too" she softly replied. I held the embrace just a bit longer than social norms would dictate and stepped back. "My flight's canceled so dinner can drag out. Want to upgrade from the Waffle House?"

"Oh can we? Maybe Denny's?"

"I like you. Just as sarcastic in person."

"All the incoming flights are cancelled until after the storm. Name the place- It's going on my expense account."

"Actually I have an idea- we can kill two birds with one stone. One of my real estate listings is down on Galveston. We had a contractor doing some work and I want to check it- make sure they closed it up tight for the storm. I was going to drive down after our airport food court feast ,but you can keep me company. There are a bunch of great restaurants there."

"Sounds good. I get to see the life of a hotshot estate agent. You can demonstrate how you show a house."

"Oh yeah. I'll give you the 'special' tour that's guaranteed to close the deal."

"Do tell- I always wondered how you agents get an offer from a hesitant buyer."

"Ha ha. I'm completely above board. Of course they can dream..."

We exited the airport into the brewing storm. It was about as warm and humid as my shower. On the road the rain pelted her car.

During the hourlong drive we talked about all the things that had been hard to say online. She told me again about her husband and how she had been hurt by his 'affair'. She had discovered his budding romance and was devastated and upset that he had shared the treats that she had baked with this other woman. The fact that he didn't have sex was immaterial- That he was emotionally involved is what hurt HS the most.

When we got to the island the restaurants were closed due to impending storm. The streets were pretty empty. The power was out, streetlights and signals were dark, giving a very eerie feeling to the island as twilight set in.

We arrived at the beach house to find the shutters wide open- in fact banging in the increasing wind. I closed them tight- a few had broken latches so I scrounged up nails and a rusty piece of steel to pound them in.

After that work she thought the owners owed us- so we raided the pantry and found enough to sustain ourselves. We raided the liquor cabinet and found enough to quench our thirst. Whenever I'm in a tropical locale I go for gin & tonic. They had the best.

A bit tipsy from the drinks we collapsed together on a lounge with a great ocean view through the open front door. It was dark inside except for the glow of an old oil lamp. We watched flashes of the storm coming in through the open front door, feeling the warm wet wind.

We were close- touching. The drinks lowered my inhibitions making me want to act on my horniness. I held firm though. We had flirted a lot online but this was different. Also the basis of our online relationship was the shared hurt at our spouses' affairs. I couldn't lower myself to that level no matter how horny I was.



To be continued.... sometime...

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

SF Weekend Chapter 4

Sorry for the long delay. I seemed to have lost my muse.

If you haven't yet, be sure to read

Chapter 1 On "My Wrath Did Grow"

Chapter 2 on "My Wrath Did Grow"

Chapter 3

After an entire cliffhanging episode, our hero hasn't moved. He's still cuffed, collared, and shackled to the bed. Will he escape? Read on to find out.

Darla starts unbuttoning her blouse. She stares at herself in the vanity mirror, expressionless. She lets the blouse drop to the floor and puts the silver key chain around her neck. She unzips and steps out of her skirt. She walks to the vanity and brushes her hair, then puts the large hoop earrings on from last night. Finally she picks up the nipple rings in their velvet box and comes to me. She bends over the bed from the waist, standing almost exactly as I had been when she whipped me earlier. No words are spoken as I suckle her breasts, once again drawing her proud nipples through the constraining rings.

I thrill to the sight of her ringed nipples over the open cups of the lace bra. I thrill to the knowledge that her pussy is exposed, shiny, wet, and bare- framed by garters and hose. I thrill knowing that she is putting herself on display for Jonas.

She leans back in and kisses me deeply. Sweeping her hair back she looks into my eyes and asks "Okay?"

I echo "Okay."

She turns and steps out of my sight. I hear the doors open, not sure whether Jonas has gone or stayed.

Continued.....

__________________________________________________________

Not much of a cliffhanger. Of course he stayed.

"Definitely not the shy girl I remember."

"Do you like my little outfit?"

"Umm hmm. I really can't believe it's you. In front of me. ... Looking like that."

"Oh? Looking like what pray tell?" She's clearly starting to get into the role.

"So sexy. So "...His voice drops to a whisper "so exposed."

"Ooh. I didn't know I was too exposed. Maybe I should change. I don't want to offend your memory of the shy college freshman."

"You're enjoying this."

"As are you. Would you like me to sit in your lap?"

"Is that better?"

"I can't believe this."

"Now, you were going to tell you what you think of my outfit. I'm sure my boyfriend in the next room wants to hear what you think."

"You're a dirty girl. I'm not sure which one of us is getting teased more."

"Clearly he is. I want you to feel free to ... Mmm. I like that."

"Kiss me. Kiss me like you did in the bar."

I strain to see them but can't. I just imagine it. Them kissing. My girlfriend there with tits and pussy on display, sitting in his lap. I know she's hungry for him, ravenously kissing him.

I hear her moaning. My imagination goes into overdrive picturing how he's touching her. This goes on for a while. No words are exchanged but I can hear them. Not knowing heightens my arousal. My cock is straining- If my hands were free I would have already masturbated to orgasm.

Eventually I hear her moans take on new intensity. Darla says "Jonas. ... Jonas. ... That feels so good." More moaning. "Oh god. Lick my pussy. Yeah. Lick my clit." More moans and vocalizations. Then gutteral noises as she comes.

Darla's voice "Your turn. I want you now." Now Jonas is the one moaning and gasping.

"Did that warm you up?"

"You're amazing!"

"Come with me."

I hear her heels approaching. Turning my head I see Darla, leading Jonas by the hand. She is (un)dressed as before. He's wearing shirt and tie- but his pants are loose- he holds them with the other hand.

"Hi Alex. I thought you might be getting lonely. Do you want to know what I just did?"

"Do tell."

"Well.... First I sat in Jonas' lap. I kissed him. He was a bit shy at first so I put his hand against my smooth vulva. He got the idea pretty quickly. Soon he was fingering me. Then he lay me back on the sofa and started licking my lips and clit while he finger fucked me. I liked it. Is that what you wanted to hear?"

"You naughty girl. If I weren't indisposed I might have to punish you."

"Alex honey, you seem to be forgetting that I'm in charge this weekend. I get to make the rules."

"True- but that doesn't mean I won't have to correct you when we get home."

"I was betting on that!"

As we were talking Darla first removed her bra and garter. Then she stripped Jonas, kissing his body as she did so. She left his briefs for last. Kneeling in front of him she looked me in the eye and continued "He did such a good job licking me that I had to return the favor."

With that she lowers his shorts, letting his hard cock spring free. Just a few feet in front of my eyes she starts licking his shaft and balls before engulfing the head. She pulls back and says "I really do love sucking cock. It's just too bad that you haven't gotten any this weekend." Then she returns to her work with a zeal.

Jonas looked a bit nervous, eyeing me bound nude to the bed. Darla's attention to his cock diverted his attention and he gripped the iron footboard with one hand while stroking her shoulders with the other.

After a few moments Darla stands and kisses him, holding his cock in one hand while they embrace. "I want you now. Bend me over the bed and fuck me."


Jonas says "I want you to take him."


Darla replies "I want you first. I know his cock is aching for me; my cunt has been aching for his cock all week. I want him to see you take me- Take what he wants. I want him to see you fill me. I want him to wait just a little longer. To decide if reality lives up to his darkest desire."


"Don't worry- I want you full. I want you very full. I want him in your ass."
"I want you to cum first. You do me first, then he'll get his release."

"I want him in your ass while I fuck you."

This really turned me on. I expected to hear them having sex. I hoped to watch them having sex. I didn't expect to DP her. She'd never been in a threesome. I'd never been in a threesome. My threesome fantasies were mostly about one guy getting oral while the other fucked her.

She knows I've talked about this. She's talked about it. Even with everything this weekend so far- this seems a long step farther into kink. This act will carnally link the three of us more deeply.

Darla savagely kisses him. She humps against him and kisses him. Then she turns to me, a hungry look on her face- "I want it. I want you both. At the same time. Oh god I want you both at the same time."

Then concern "Can you hold out? Can you wait to come?"

"My cock is yours. Tell me to hold out and I will."
"A condom will help. I'll do it for you. But I need a condom."
He asks "Where?"
She points- "The black bag, right zipper. Lube too."
He comes over, opening the package, handing her the condom.
Darla rolls it on, over the bulging head, slowly, deliberately down the shaft to the base.
She holds the shaft, holds it as Jonas squirts lube on the head. She strokes the lube in. "More. More on the head."
He drips more onto the head.


Facing away from me, facing him, still gripping the shaft with one hand, she straddles me. Steadying herself on the headboard she lowers herself over my cock. He helps spread her ass cheeks and rubs lube around her hole. With more lube he penetrates her ass with one finger.

Darla groans, leaning into the headboard as she helps guide it in. Slowly she lowers herself onto my cock. First the head. Just that pressure almost sends me over the edge.
"Tight. Oh man it's tight. Take it slow." I utter.
She works her way down. Finally I'm in. In to the hilt.

She straightens up and I brace her as she lays back onto my chest. I'm afraid any movement will make me come.

"Hold her" Jonas instructs. He takes the silver key chain from around Darla's neck and unlocks my wrist chains from the bed frame.

I grip her hips, holding her still. This is for my benefit. Eight days of anticipation, combined with her tight ass- the tight ass that I've enjoyed only a few times before- makes it a struggle to avoid cumming.
I feel his weight. Kneeling between my legs he begins a slow thrust. I can feel the pressure of his cock. I can feel his weight.
I can't believe this is really happening. It is though. My cock is as hard as it's ever been, buried to the hilt in Darla's ass. Jonas rocks fore and aft, fucking Darla's pussy. Each thrust I can feel his cock moving. Fully in, his balls press against mine, pulling out she sighs.

I shift my hands to her breasts, cupping them, splaying my fingers around her nipples, still encircled by the rings. She turns her face to mine, the sides of our mouths, our tongues meeting. Jonas leans in, kissing her breast. I feel his lips on my fingers, seeking the nipple. I accommodate him, offering her tit to him, sharing her with him. She breaks our kiss and pulls him to kiss, then turns back to me.

Our tongues play as he fucks her. Her arms holding him as he suckles her breasts. I slide a hand between them, dragging the cold chain across her warm flesh. My fingers find her mound, dance around her clit. I touch her lips, feeling them spread by him. My other hand joins the first, one playing with her clit while the other traces the junction of their sex. I spread her wetness, making her clit slicker.

She turns away from me and hugs him closer. They kiss with greater intensity. She grunts into his mouth with each thrust. My fingers take a cue from their rhythm as I tease her clit, then as she bucks more wildly I apply steady pressure. She moans and bucks more as his pace intensifies. I feel her ass clenching on my cock as she orgasms. I fight my own welling orgasm.

Jonas straightens up and pulls out. Quickly, my fingers fill the void. He pulls off his condom and I feel drops of hot cum on my hand as he jerks off over her. She comes again with my fingers in her as his spunk hits her body. Her movements slow as she turns back to me and whispers "you next".

I thrust, not knowing whether one stroke will finish me. On the out stroke Darla wriggles off my cock, then rolls away from me. She turns to a kneeling position and strips my condom off. Then she straddles me, facing this time. Her skin is flushed and glistening with sweat; Jonas' cum dribbles off one breast and her belly. She leans down to me, her breasts drag across my chest. Then she slides back, mounting me. I wrap my arms around her again, this time pulling her close as I thrust up into her. We kiss again as our bodies seem to fuse. Soon I feel my orgasm build again; she senses it as well from my insistent thrusting. She tells me to come- "Fill me Alex. Fill me with your cum." And I do. My pent up desire empties into her, I feel the moist heat flowing down onto my balls.

Then we're still. Darla rolls off onto her back, wedged between Jonas and me on the bed. No words are spoken for a few moments as we all catch our breath, as we come back to reality.

Darla kisses me then turns to Jonas and kisses him. "Well now. I'm glad I got that out of my system." as she lays down with a satisfied smile on her face.

She gets the key from Jonas and unlocks me then says "I'm hungry. Weren't you guys supposed to take me out to dinner?"


Friday, May 11, 2007

Threesome Fantasy

She kneels on the floor as he takes her from behind. His hands wrap around and hold her breasts. I love watching, getting to see her as a voyeur.

She braces one forearm against my leg; I feel her body surging forward and back with his thrusts. She grips the base of my cock with her hand as she alternates between licking my shaft and engulfing the head.

Her other hand reaches back to play with herself. She moans. I know how she likes to do that- usually it's my cock there. I know her fingers are feeling his hard cock sliding in and out, transferring the slick wetness to her clit.

I watch her hair swaying, her luscious breasts being held. Her nipples are engorged, peeking between his fingers as he holds them.

As she rocks fore and aft, bobbing up and down, I feel her soft hair caressing my thigh. This delicate sensation contrasts with her firm strokes on my cock.

Soon she approaches orgasm and her hand tightens on my cock. She slides me deeper into her mouth even as she has trouble concentrating on the task. Finally her moaning and almost gagging sets me off and I fill her mouth.

Tuesday, May 8, 2007

Is ML really looking to 'cheat'?

Is ML really looking to 'cheat'?

That's the big question. Let's review the facts:

ML is a 42 year old man, married with two kids average age 5.

ML has had a total of 3 girlfriends/ sexual partners- the last being my wife who I met 18 years ago.

After their second child was born there was exactly 1 incident of sex between ML and ML's wife in the next 18 months.

In the next 9 months ML and ML's wife had sex about 150 times- 10x a week at first tapering off to-

In the last 22 months ML hasn't had a satisfactory kiss, let alone anything more.

I don't have time to go into all the details of "why" in this post. Suffice to say she thought that having a lot of sex with me would kindle some feelings. It didn't kindle the ones she hoped for. Now she has no interest in sex or romance with me. For a while I worked hard to try to win her over in my very lame ways. We remain mostly friendly and seem to do a good job of jointly parenting our kids. We still sleep in the same bed.

I've mostly given up hope now. Sometimes I think that 'something on the side' would let me stay married and keep a stable environment for the kids. Other times I discount that thought- that I need more. Also I see that line as a pretty clear cut violation of our marriage vows- that even with 'an arrangement' I have trouble with it.

The kids are the main (only) reason for this indecision. Otherwise I would be out.

ML

Friday, May 4, 2007

Honesty is just a Rumor

In Dantes 2nd Inferno, Blazngfyre posted:

Honesty is just a Rumor

Where do the lies end?

Is there any truth?

Was there ever?

Wasted.

Are these rhetorical questions? Even if, here's my perspective:

Where do the lies end?
There are lies like saying "I was there doing that at this time." Seems pretty clear cut- if the facts are false it's a lie. Being a linear thinking engineer sort, that used to be what I would consider a lie. I still do, but maybe that isn't the worst sort of lie.

Is there any truth?

Truth. Truth? Are measurable facts, if correct, true? Of course. It's important to follow some very abbreviated version of the scientific method in daily life. Does the bill at the gas station reflect 'truth' in the quantity and quality of fluid dispensed?

Again, just like lies, I don't think quantifiable, measurable facts are the only- or even the most important- truth when it comes to interpersonal relationships.


Was there ever?
?Truth? Lies?
How about honesty. Honesty might not have a lot to do with lies, truth, or facts. Honesty is important. I'm starting to hope for more honesty even in the face of known lies.


Wasted.
How much? I could say 17 years. But then looking back I realize truth in the old pap that if I hadn't been through it I wouldn't be the me I am. I wouldn't have two great kids. I wouldn't have this great friend (my wife). I might have gotten a lot of tail and I might be with someone who loves me 'in that way'.

_________________________________________________________

This all brings me back to the search for my morality loophole. Lies? How about changing to honesty but with a barely spoken 'understanding' that not all will be shared. Is that better or worse than divorce?

In other words a 'don't ask, don't tell' policy about how each of us gets the emotional and physical intimacy that clearly doesn't exist in our bed.

ML

Thursday, May 3, 2007

This post is about a clueless man who has 'no game'.

This post is about a clueless man who has 'no game'.

Me in other words.

FTN made a post that hit close to home:

http://fadetonumb.blogspot.com/2007/05/flirting-wedding-rings-and-perky.html

Here was my comment:

"Apparently, the telltale warning signs like "hangs around you all the time, laughs at your jokes, smiles at you, talks to you, occasionally flips hair appropriately" ... Those things never really registered on my radar."

I'm 100% with you. I have to mention my one long-lost unrequited love.

We arrived the same day at the college dorms for freshman year. I saw L. in the initial dorm meeting- our dorm was co-ed with male floors alternating with female floors. A few weeks later she drew short straw to come up and complain about loud noise from my suite- which was directly above hers (suite with 4 students each).


The next year L. became girlfriend of one of my close friends and we spent a lot of time together.


Later they broke up, but we still spent time together. After I dropped out of college I made the 500 mile drive to visit a couple of times. We talked on the phone at least once a month. She joined me on vacation twice. This 'relationship' lasted several years until I got married.

All the while I was pining for her.

And yet, I never even imagined that she was interested in me "that way". In hindsight... Oh hindsight... I realize that she never talked about boyfriends, about breakups, about. She never did the many things that I've seen in other friendships with women that give the distinct impression that I'm almost 'one of the girls' to them.

When I got married she sent a congratulations note wishing me the best and all that. When we talked after that I could see that something had changed. A couple years later I was talking with my wife about her and my wife was very surprised that we hadn't been boyfriend and girlfriend at some point. Now in hindsight remembering the note I realize it was saying goodbye to one possible future. I realize that my wife saw something in that note that I totally missed.

In summary when a woman:
Laughs at your bad jokes.
Is eager to go places with you.
Never flirts with other guys or tells you 'men are pigs' when you're out.
Travels with you, sleeping in the same tent or motel room.
Dresses up at least a little when you go places.
Puts on makeup for a hike on a remote trail.
etc.

Maybe, just maybe, she has a tiny bit of interest.
Or not. I'm not good at reading women.